Ted Schneider on "Improv Leadership" on WRLR 98.3 LP FM

 Pinball 11/18/23 – Playing a pinball machine, you need to keep the ball in motion and score points by hitting bumpers, going through different areas and hitting various targets while utilizing the flippers until time or your allotted balls run out. That sure sounds like life to me. When you come in contact with people, events and experiences they sometimes catapult you in a certain direction. In life you go through a series of mazes, different phases and sometimes you speed up and sometimes you slow down. In life, similar to the ball in a pinball machine, sometimes the trajectory we plan is smooth and on target while other times no matter how hard we try, we spin off in an unexpected direction. Life ends when you are no longer able to navigate the space you operate in and no matter what you do with your flippers it is over, no movement, no noise, no lights – game over. Moral to the story, even though it might seem that, at times, you might not have control over the path you are taking it is OK because all the interactions, movement and bouncing around is what life is about. You want to keep moving around as long as you can before time runs out because unlike a pinball machine, once our game is over, there are no more tokens available to us to play another game.  

10 items or less 11/11/23 – I noticed recently that the ‘10 items or less’ lane is disappearing in most stores. Is it because stores want you to spend more so creating short order lanes is not good business? Could it be that most people cheat? Come on you’ve counted how many items people put on the belt in front of you and if it turns out to be 11 items, first you double count and then you want to make a citizen’s arrest! Could it be that counting up to 10 is too much to ask of the consumer? Could it be that if you have 10 items or less that you really should be in the self-checkout lanes and have no business bothering a cashier with such pettiness? My proposal, if you have 10 items or less or if you have few enough items where you can carry them in your arms (no cloth bags allowed) you can automatically go to the front of the line similar to Disney’s old Fast Pass which is now called Lightning Lane. Thinking of passes, why shouldn’t stores start selling Lightning Lane passes allowing you to cut in line regardless of your order size and similar to lightning (in nature) can you imagine the thunder this would create, and what this would touch off? As a result of these new passes I can see new YouTube channels popping up such as Mayhem at Mariano’s, Jewel Jerks or even Aldi Altercations! Grocery shopping will never be the same! 

Old fashioned? 11/4/23 – Definition, “styles or types no longer current or common, not modern ” I guess I’m a little old fashioned because, I open car doors and walk on the street side with women, I stand when a woman gets up at a table and I let her sit down before I do, I stop at stop signs, occasionally I’ll darn a sock, I give 110% at work (no silent quitting), I text using proper grammar, commas, spaces etc., if I can do it myself, I will, I exercise daily, I live life as a minimalist, I wash dishes by hand, I say grace before each meal, I hang clothes out on nice days, I keep my word and my commitments, I push myself physically and challenge myself intellectually, I respect your right to your opinion and I believe in helping others. If this is “old fashioned” so be it – it’s the way I was raised. But please don’t confuse old fashioned with ‘old’ or ‘out of touch’ – I have more energy and can do more pushups and pull-ups than most men half my age. I also have worked in IT the last 30 years and I can use technology as if I invented it. So perhaps instead of ‘old’, let’s use ‘antique’ (a collectible object that has a high value because of its age).  

Crash Test Dummy 10/28/23 – It seems that some of my life I’ve been a crash test dummy. Some notable events, walked into a light pole in New York City, smashed my nose and had to run into a restaurant to get ice. Blew open the tips of two fingers at a friend’s home when a pipe used to roll Formica tops landed on them. Fell off a ladder climbing on top of a paint shed at my uncle’s body shop. Fell off a ladder cleaning snow off my roof. Walked into a concrete bench in Maui and had to get ice for my leg and bandages. Was bit by a dog while cutting grass. Was bit by a dog while at a friends parent’s house. Was bit on the arm by a girl I met at a college party. Cut my hand on a concrete planter on the way to the hospital when my daughter was born. Smashed my thumb against the wall running up stairs when my older son was born. Smashed the back of my hand running up the stairs at Union Station going to work. While driving my Civic, a Lincoln Town car plowed into me, fortunately everyone was safe but unfortunately my car was totaled. I went up for a pass playing football and banged heads with a teammate – didn’t catch the football but got a golf ball size lump on my forehead. Crashed my Honda moped into a parked car which resulted in a gash on my leg - two weeks later it became infected and required a trip to urgent care where they told me I should’ve had stitches. While greasing the door hinges of a car, I closed the door on my hand and the door was locked and I didn’t have the keys on me. Lastly, I had an ongoing battle with bees at my last house – once a nest landed on me that I knocked off, and twice they swarmed me in my feeble attempt to eliminate them. Overall, it could always have been worse and fortunately like an old Timex, I can take a licking and keep on ticking!  

What did you bury? 10/21/23 - The word ‘bury’ is typically associated with a post funeral event. But ‘bury’ takes on a more powerful meaning in the context of what we do emotionally. We bury our past sometimes, especially painful memories, bad experiences or traumatic events. Sometimes we bury things just below the surface similar to a cat in a litter box – just deep enough not to see it. Other times we bury things deeper hoping they will never be found or resurface – similar to the wreck of the Titanic which is over two miles down in the ocean. One consequence of burying things is sometimes we bury the good along with the bad because they cannot be separated.  Unfortunately, at some point, similar to a landfill, we exhaust the space we have to bury things and we have to carry them and live with them. If you decide to bury something realize why you are and decide if it would be better to keep it with you not as a burden but as a reminder. Your past is why you are where you are at today and if you bury too much of your past you might lose sight of your present and ultimately impact your future. 

 Ber Season 10/14/23 – We are well into Ber Season (SeptemBer, OctoBer, NovemBer & DecemBer) and I can’t believe how quickly the temperatures have changed (highs went from the low 80’s to the mid 50’s in a week). Perhaps it’s wishful thinking that the earth’s spin axis will stay pointed toward the sun (but it never fails it points away later in the Bers and winter can be expected). The Ber Season brings us a transition from cutting grass to shoveling snow (and rearranging the shed or garage accordingly). We change out our wardrobes from summer to fall to winter – for some a dramatic change (pretty simple for me, shorts to jeans and add a jacket). The Bers bring a host of holidays from Halloween (dressing up in costumes) to Christmas (dressing up for church or as Santa). The Bers signal for me another trip around the sun and a focus on the year winding down (along with realizing I have a bunch of vacation days still to take – I shouldn’t have waited to take them)! Overall, the Ber Season brings us transition, change and the opportunity to reflect on all that has occurred in the prior months. We start to think about last minute tax deductions (too late to have a child to qualify unless you are adopting) and hitting your medical deductible. Overall, I guess I enjoy Ber Season I just wish it wouldn’t sneak up on me and wouldn’t signal the end of another year. I am also thinking we should have truth in advertising and we should change the months to the Brrr Season, SeptemBrrr, OctoBrrr, NovemBrrr and DecemBrrr!  

Seeing numbers 10/7/23 - The majority of the time it involves a number of years, age, year etc. I will be listening to someone talk and before they say a particular number I see it in my head. It’s fun to watch the expression on their face when they ask, “How did you know?” and I reply, “I saw the number.” Most of the time I don’t say anything to interrupt people but smile when they say the number I saw just seconds before. Someone will ask how old a person is, or what year something occurred and I see the age or year correctly most of the time. While playing Bingo a few weeks ago there were several times I was looking at a particular number on my bingo card right before they announced it. A recent example, a friend was talking about how long a company was in business (I had never heard of the company) and I said, “I see 22 years” – and it was 22 years old. I have never been able to use this ability for financial gain (although when I retire I could join the carnival and guess people’s ages and weight) and I guess seeing numbers is much better than “seeing dead people.” 

 How do you pronounce it? 9/30/23 - I am awful at pronouncing some last names, drug names, some ingredients on food labels and even some menu items at certain restaurants. Some people’s last names are just too hard to sound out and when I try, it sounds like I have a severe learning disability. When it comes to drug names, they make them difficult on purpose to keep you focused on trying to say them and it naturally sidetracks you from the hundreds of possible side effects. Phenylalanine is hard to pronounce (a dietary supplement in certain diet foods and drinks which by the way I never eat or drink), if I can’t pronounce it, it’s not going in my body. Although I can pronounce ‘sushi’ and I never eat that so that rule doesn’t always apply. Finally, to read menus at some restaurants you have to be fluent in a foreign language, ex. French and they figure they can charge more. Can you pronounce Poulet Basquaise and more importantly do you know what it is? It’s chicken in a pepper sauce – why not just say that! In closing, at some level if it’s important I will memorize it but if I deem it unimportant or trivial, I will pronounce it the way I feel like or make fun of it because life’s too short to have a stroke trying to pronounce Rivaroxaban or Dipyridamole (both used for treatment of strokes).  

Rear view mirror 9/23/23 - Have you ever been in a line and it seems like it will never end (ex., the TSA line at the airport or a ride at Disney)? You are looking ahead, crawling along and thinking you haven’t moved at all until you happen to glance back and see where you were standing and see how many people are now behind you. Sometimes in life we need to look back at where we were emotionally, physically or financially to appreciate and understand where we currently are. Some will tell you, “never look back, keep moving forward” etc. but I would argue that looking back (or occasionally reflecting back) will allow you to put things in perspective and allows you to realize how far you have come. Looking back (similar to using a rear view mirror) also allows you to see what is creeping up on you like old age, deadlines, or even your competition. Stay in the present, plan for your future accordingly and once in a while take a quick peek behind you to remember where you have been, what you have experienced/learned and what might be closing in on you.  

65 9/16/23 – This used to seem like a big number but 6.5 decades later, this number doesn’t faze me. Why? Because at this age you finally realize what is important in life, not the house you live in, the vacations you take or the car you drive, it’s the life you’ve lead, the relationships you’ve formed, your reputation and what you have done with your life. ‘Carbon footprint’ is a popular topic of discussion today but I’d argue what’s also important is your personal footprint – the impression you have left on others and your environment by your words, deeds, actions and interactions. If you are lucky enough to reach 65, you have had 23,725 days (not accounting for leap years) to do something meaningful. 569,400 hours to create something unique and significant. You have been granted (similar to rubbing a lamp and making a wish) 34,164,000 minutes to experience and enjoy life. I am thankful, I am grateful and I am happy to reach this age. Finally, life doesn’t come with a guarantee and the warranty is definitely up on your parts - knowing this simply means to enjoy what you have, don’t take things too seriously (unless it’s chest pains) and learn to laugh and smile as often as you can. To my friends that have or will be 65 this year, I hope it’s been a fun ride and I hope the road in front of us continues to stretch for many, many more miles. I also hope you continue to leave a positive, warm and quality footprint on others and the world you live in.  

Vacation/retired or what? 9/9/23
Two weeks ago I took a week of vacation and imagined I was retired,
I was a little wired.

Since even on vacation I worked out daily, was on two work calls and checked email every day,
Then went out to play.

It’s hard to think that soon I’ll be 65 and should start to think about slowing down a little and no longer working,
It’s around the corner lurking.

But to be honest I enjoy the work I do, the people I work with and the money,
So it would be funny,

Not to get up at 4:30am every day and go to work since I’ll miss the challenge and pace,
I’ll miss the place,

Plus I’m not ready yet to sit home and do puzzles, play golf or basically get old,
So I’m not sold,

On the idea of no longer working, finding a new hobby and being happy with Medicare,
Or sit all day in a chair.

Retirement simply seems like a concept that is so far in the future and far away,
Guess it will come one day

But for now I will continue to work and only when on vacation pretend that I am no longer in the work force,
Or on a golf course.