Ted Schneider "Improv Leadership" The Life wrlr 98.3 FM

Garage sales & online dating  6/29/24 – The village wide garage sale was this past weekend and it made me think about online dating. A lot of items at a garage sale are old, used and worthless. Some approach online dating in the same way – they drag themselves out and try to sell something old, used, and worthless and no one is buying. 

If you want a successful garage sale you need to advertise (make a profile that jumps out), display items nicely (grooming never goes out of style) don’t wait until the last minute (you have to be organized and prepared for online dating) and at a garage sale it helps to mingle a little (in dating don’t just sit back and expect things to happen magically).

Some of the ‘pros’ of a garage sale (that also apply to dating):
You get to practice your communication and negotiation skills (in dating you need to have good communication skills – negotiation skills usually come into play after you have been dating a while).
You get to meet new people (applies to both garage sales and dating)
Sometimes you see something as a treasure while others wouldn’t touch it (happens in dating too – there is someone for everyone).

Some of the ‘cons’ of a garage sale (that also apply to dating):

You can spend a lot of time and it can result in very poor results.
At a garage sale you can feel exhausted after it’s over (online dating can be exhausting all the time).
Garage sales can be a lot of work (so is online dating)
So, remember to approach your online dating like a successful garage sale (except don’t bring dates home to your front lawn and put them under a tent and if the date doesn’t go well don’t place them at the curb - drive them home). 

Conversational distractions 6/22/24 – I am not a Jedi, but I do possess a Jedi like mind control where I can distract people with conversation. I believe it is a gene my mother passed on to me. One instance I recall is when a refrigerator repair man was working on her refrigerator. My mom was talking to the guy, and he blamed her talking on him being zapped by electricity and flying across the kitchen (he didn’t unplug the unit). Some examples where my talking to a person has distracted them. Several times we snuck contraband into a baseball game by conversational misdirection. On my honeymoon I got the timeshare salesman to want to live on the property I made up – he gave us the coupons for a free breakfast without watching the 45-minute sales pitch. One time I was successful in having a pushy salesman leave us alone at a mattress store based on my made-up story. Recently I brought a backpack into Ravinia, and they never checked it based on my preemptive conversation with one of the guards at the entrance (for the record I had nothing illegal in it).  Finally, the other day I went for an MRI. As soon as it was over I started talking to the technician. As I was getting dressed, I realized he left the contrast port in me taped to my arm. When I went back down the hallway he apologized and said he was distracted (wonder how that happened?). I think the conversational distractions are usually the result of one of the following; 1) I lull them into a trance because it is so much information to absorb that I overload their sensory capabilities (similar to a denial of service attack), 2) There is so much detail involved in the story that they get lost in the conversation and are wandering mentally at that point or lastly 3) Perhaps I am a little annoying and they want me to get away from them as quickly as possible so they agree to whatever I suggest to hasten my departure. 

 Accidents 6/15/24  – Defined as an unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally. On the other hand because accidents are predictable they are not necessarily random. Some even say that every event in life is predetermined (no such thing as an accident). Lastly, one of Freud’s famous quotes centers around the ‘fact’ that there is “no such thing as an accident” meaning there is a way to control the future. I am not sure what you believe regarding accidents but two recent events make me believe they are preventable thus not really an accident. A window latch was getting harder and harder to open and close. One day it wouldn’t move – I contemplated taking the 4 screws out to examine it – instead I went with the brute force option – I ended up snapping off the metal piece that opens and closes it and smashed my middle finger knuckle (took two band-aids to stop the bleeding). Another ‘accident’ involved a different window (and a different type of latch). I went to close it and caught my thumb in it – pinched it and it started to bleed (only one band-aid was required to stop the bleeding). In both instances they could be labelled accidents but I had options, take the screws out on the one and for the other get my fat thumb out of the way. Perhaps it was fate to have a band-aid on a finger on each hand for balance purposes. Perhaps I need to pay closer attention to the dangerous task of opening and closing windows. Perhaps they were just accidents.  

Get back to me? 6/8/24 - There is a disease that is spreading – many (not all) people don’t get back to you - they don’t return your phone calls or respond to other forms of communications. I called a lawyer’s office and left a message 14 days ago (nothing). I called another lawyer’s office, and they said a woman would call me back to make an appointment (it’s been 9 days). I called a local HVAC place for a maintenance appointment, and they took my information. I waited two or three days and called back, and I was informed that “Al hadn’t picked up his messages yet” (sounded like an inefficient system). I dated a woman a few years back and I would send her a text in the morning, and she would take up to 24 hours to text me back – she said she was “really busy at work” - my response was “you really don’t care.” I am not sure why some people don’t get back to you in a timely manner. If you are in business either you are grossly understaffed OR you have so much business, you can ignore smaller jobs and concentrate on the more profitable jobs. Perhaps you were raised by wolves and manners were never a big thing. Perhaps you simply think being courteous is something that other people do. Whatever the reason, if you want to maintain your personal brand and/or business it is advisable to return phone calls, answer emails and respond in a timely manner. We are all terribly busy – but not too busy to respond back and show some courtesy, some respect and some humanity (this concludes today’s Public Service Announcement).   

Pickleball 6/1/24 – I was introduced to the sport about two years ago. I played one game and thought it was OK. Throughout the last two years more and more women I met were avid (borderline obsessed) players and I figured it was some type of post-menopausal condition. Fast forward to the last few months and ever since I started playing pickleball with my girlfriend and others I can clearly say it isn’t a post-menopausal condition (both men and women enjoy it). Whatever it is, it is highly contagious. For example, this past week I played three times (one of those days I showed up at the courts a little after 7am on Sunday morning). There are several side effects, my competitive side is coming back out (in a good way), I am enjoying a new type of workout, I am making random friends and strengthening existing friendships, it is a good calorie burner and it is heart healthy. The biggest side effect – it is fun! I did ask my doctor (and consulted WebMd) and neither said there were harmful side effects – except I will admit I wear knee braces and starting stretching (and bought a massage gun) not to reinjure a pulled hamstring that occurred on my recent vacation as I slipped after getting out of the pool (almost sounds like I am getting old). OK I am not in my 20’s or 30’s (except in my head) but regardless it is therapeutic. The only cure that I am aware of is to continue to play! 

Well you should have known better than to ask me 5/25/24….

My father-in-law asked me to hold a bracket while he untied part of a trundle bed – I didn’t realize it was spring loaded and the piece went flying into his forehead.

I was asked by a neighbor in grammar school to watch her bird while she was on vacation – I think the bird died due to missing it’s owner or it took its own life (I couldn’t take full responsibility).

My father-in-law was cutting down a tall tree at my home in Hoffman Estates and asked me to keep tension on a rope to direct the tree away from the house and cars – apparently I needed to pay closer attention and/or to exert more tension on the rope (there was a small accident).

I was tasked with watching my daughter when she was very young at a wave pool – I watched her almost drown.

I was tasked one morning with getting my younger son on the bus – we were playing around and he missed the bus.

I was asked to go fishing with a friend’s brother in Door County – I ended up getting the lines tangled and he became very upset (I was close to killing him except I had no weights with me to enable him to sink to the bottom so I let him live).

My daughter asked me to help her make a shield for a class assignment – at the parent teacher conference her shield was one of a kind (based on my vision versus the instructions – I told the teacher she was exercising her creativity and didn’t want to be constrained by some silly instructions).

I volunteered at my younger son’s school and they gave us a camera to get certain pictures – I couldn’t find all that was on the list so we created them (they said we cheated – I said he was exercising his creativity and didn’t want to be constrained by some silly instructions).

I was asked to escort my younger sister and her friends to a roller rink – I got kicked out because I wouldn’t take my coat off (I stuck to my principles and stood outside in the cold until they were finished).

I was asked in grammar school to write something I was passionate about. Our school principal was a rather large woman so my essay was, “How can the principal be expected to discipline students if she can’t discipline herself” – apparently they didn’t want to know what I was really passionate about. 

Decline 5/18/24 –  “A gradual and continuous loss of strength, numbers, quality or value.” It’s easy to look around and spot decline in the world around us – but what about the person you see in the mirror? Is that person declining? Of course not, you tell yourself, “Age is only a number’, “I haven’t lost a step”, “I can still do this or that” or whatever phrase or words reassure you that time has not impacted you. So how is it that the world is in some form of decline but you remain untouched? Unfortunately, we all suffer some type of decline even if it is minor in nature. We might tire a little quicker, we probably can’t run the 40 yard dash in the same time we could in high school or maybe it takes a little longer to bounce back from an illness or minor injury. I think the key is ‘how’ you live with the decline. Do you make the best of it and adjust accordingly OR are you printing ‘Pity Party’ invites or wearing a ‘Victim’ badge? Whatever you decide realize we all decline (at varying rates) and it means we are evolving, it means we need to adapt to changes in our abilities but life is far from over – just another chapter in the non-fiction book called life.  

A few observations from my recent vacation in Costa Rica 5/11/24:
- Individuals in the service industry were extremely polite, sincere, attentive and accommodating.
- Sunscreen, SPF shirts and large brimmed hats were mandatory along with drinking large quantities of water.
- Riding an ATV over rugged terrain was more jarring to multiple internal parts of the body compared to horseback riding.
- There were probably more signs than people stating, “Do Not Feed the Animals” but the majority of people still did.
- The monkeys were very happy that the majority of tourists either couldn’t read or were not rule followers and many of the monkeys are also now diabetics.
- People were well behaved on the airplanes except when instructed to “put their seat backs upright” before landing - with some sign language I was able to get the flight attendant to persuade the man in front of me to comply (allowing me to breathe before we landed).
- Some of the inflight movies were good so my girlfriend and I had a mini date night sharing headphones watching movies.
- I didn’t bring my work laptop for the first time in about 20 years (checked email on my phone) and to my surprise, work was still there when I got back and the world did not end as many had predicted.
- I could get used to just getting up and leaving after meals (it was an “all inclusive” so the meals were free). If I do forget to wait for the check going forward, I will merely tell the authorities I was having flashbacks (and when you are over 65 it is a credible alibi).
- I felt like an ambassador after about 5 days since I assisted four Canadian tourists to the front lobby, played volleyball several times with some regulars (almost had team t-shirts made up) and I knew many of the resort staff along with people I had met on the various excursions.
- I thought the stationary bikes in the Liberia airport that were charging stations were a great way to go green!
- People working in Immigration and Customs do not appreciate improv.