Ted Schneider on "Improv Leadership" on WRLR 98.3 LP FM

A few quirks of mine 7/30/22 - 1) Driving into a gas station, I picture myself at Le Mans without a pit crew – get in, fill up and get out. 2) On a plane when I hear the same person cough more than once I try to get small so I don’t breathe in whatever he/she is spreading.  3) In church, I put on my serious face (you wouldn’t recognize me). 4) If making a meal takes longer than it will take to eat it, it isn’t a good ROI (exception, frozen pizza in my pizza oven – I could host a food show just for that). 5) As I approach a stale green at a red light camera intersection time suddenly slows down (think ‘The Matrix’) since I have a split second to decide - should I slow down, speed up, continue at the current speed or stop prematurely and risk getting rear ended. 6) People driving in front of me seldom go as fast as I would like and people behind me probably think the same thing. 7) I’m on camera for all work meetings, so it’s imperative that my hair is done (my work area is zoned as NBHD (No Bad Hair Days).  8) I have a hard time being told I can’t do something (ex., you can’t leave through this theater exit, you can’t drop your son off here it’s only for buses, you can’t bring a binocular case into the ballpark, you can’t walk on the fountain – I always hear YOU CAN) 9) My brain lags behind my body in realizing my age and I am definitely not breaking the news to it.  10) Lastly, if a thought crosses my mind, and I think it’s funny, my brain has given my mouth and tongue carte blanche.   

Opposites attract? 7/23/22 – I’ve heard opposites attract but that only seems true with the north and south poles of a magnet.  Today there are a variety of topics that create distinct opposite views and segregates people.  The middle ground seems to have disappeared and every topic has people lining up on one side or the other.  I look at the situation like a 4th grade dance where the boys are on one side and the girls are on the opposite side.  No one dares to walk to the middle of the dance floor for fear of embarrassment, humiliation or rejection.  The same seems to hold true for walking toward the middle ground of an issue.  I don’t have an answer but I hope that eventually a few brave individuals from both sides take a chance, muster up some courage and seek a dance partner.  If individuals, politicians and even countries don’t do this, the DJ will eventually stop playing music, everyone will leave, the lights will be turned off and the building will be locked up.  The result, no one will enjoy the benefits of being on the dance floor, no one will make a connection and physically and emotionally, we all will continue to be isolated.  We will be unable to share what we had to offer and we will never know what the other person was bringing to the party. 

Driving observations & assumptions 7/16/22 -  During a recent drive, I noticed the following and thought I’d share my observations and assumptions.  1) While stopped at the first stop sign a car turned the intersection into a roundabout.  I assumed either A) He was lost and figured he would drive in a circle and say, Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe OR B) He was amusing the child in the car seat by driving in a circle.  2) Next, I passed a car going very slow and noticed the young woman was holding her phone flat in her hand.  I assumed either, A) She was driving to the emergency room because she somehow super glued her phone to her hand OR B) She was using the compass feature and was trying to keep it level. 3) I ended up behind a bus at in the right lane at a big intersection and noticed a sticker on the bus, “RIGHT TURN IN FRONT OF BUS IS ILLEGAL.”  Just then, the person in the middle lane pulled in front of the bus and made a right turn on red.  I assume either A) The driver was overdue for an eye exam OR B) Our educational system failed him because he never learned to read.  4) As I traveled down the ramp to get on the expressway, the woman in front of me was going 35 mph while the vehicles on the expressway were going between 70 mph and 80 mph.  I assume either A) She had a rocket booster that would propel her instantly to 70 mph at the end of the ramp when she flipped the switch OR B) She had a death wish that was soon to be granted.  5) As I travelled along the expressway, a crotch rocket blew past me at about 95 mph.  I assume either, A) His rocket booster switch was stuck open and he was helpless to slow down OR B) This stretch of expressway was where emergency crews practice picking up parts and pieces from motorcycle accidents.  6) Lastly, as I was about to get off the expressway, a car was driving in reverse on the shoulder toward me. I assumed either A) He was selling his car and heard if you go in reverse you can roll back the mileage OR B) It was the latest Tik-Tok challenge. The things you see while driving – always entertaining.  

It was just… 7/9/22 The last few years I have had a problem with time.  Someone will ask me when something occurred and I cannot recall how long ago it was.  I remember some important dates (some family/friend’s birthdays, when I got divorced, and when my father died).  I can easily recall historical dates (when major wars ended, employment dates and the years I bought a new car7/9/22 ).  Instead of going into therapy or seeking medical attention for this condition, I did some self-analysis (I laid down on the couch and asked myself some questions). Q. Am I experiencing cognitive issues? A. Don’t think so. Q. Am I caught in some unbalanced space-time continuum?  A. Don’t know what this is exactly so NA. Q. Is something erasing my short-term recall? A. I hope not.  Q. Am I falling victim to cell phone radiation? A. No, I always hold it away from my head (and based on how big my head is, I hold it far, far away).  Q. Are these events minor in nature and my brain deems them unimportant to record? A. Sounds like something my brain would do.  Conclusion - I think my brain simply runs out of RAM (random access memory).  Think about it, the RAM module I have was built and installed in 1958 – I am definitely overdue for an upgrade.

 Cars and humans 7/2/22 -  I see many similarities between humans and cars. People remark on the good smell of a newborn (when their diaper is not full) and people comment on the great ‘new car’ smell. Cars come in different sizes, shapes, colors and are made in different countries, as are humans. Cars over time start to accumulate nicks, scratches and dents. Humans get bumps, bruises and cuts. We use wax, rubbing compound and touch up paint on our cars. People use ointment with a Band-Aid, lotions, hair color and wear makeup (to cover any imperfections). On cold mornings, your car has a hard time turning over and wants to stay parked. On cold mornings humans tend to want to stay under the covers and have a hard time getting going. Headlight lenses eventually get cloudy and humans get cloudy lenses too (cataracts). About the time a ball joint is replaced on your old car one of your knees is being replaced. An old car’s performance starts to deteriorate just as humans tend to slow down as we age. Occasionally your car needs a tune-up just as humans need one too (annual physical, massage or spa day). Old cars sometimes have trouble passing the emissions test (certain pollutants are higher than they should be). Humans sometimes have high numbers that are cause for concern like high blood pressure, cholesterol or sugar. Lastly, cars are categorized throughout their lifecycle, such as, brand new, a classic, and an antique all the way to being a beater or a junker. Humans have a similar lifecycle and hopefully we can live to be a classic or at least a collector’s item! 

 Emotional Value 6/25/22 - We recently had a 46th high school reunion event where we auctioned off many handmade items including but not limited to wood plaques, coasters, paintings, baby blankets and quilts.  The proceeds went to a medical research facility where one of our classmates has a fund set up in his name for cancer research (he died of brain cancer).  A good friend of mine and I discussed how the value of these donated items and emotions associated with them differed depending on your perspective.  Let’s take one painting as an example.  I assume the artist received some joy and satisfaction in creating the painting. They started with an idea and made it vividly come to life.  The artist was hopefully proud to display their work and felt good that the work would bring someone else happiness by them displaying it in their home.  Lastly, there had to be some sense of satisfaction knowing the proceeds would go to a worthy cause.  The buyer saw a certain value in the painting and bid on it based on what emotions were evoked by it along with what the painting visually ‘said’ to him or her.  Mullen’s Bar & Grill viewed that one painting as part of a larger reason why numerous individuals came together to eat, drink and celebrate in their establishment (and hopefully it was profitable for them). The organizers of the event emotionally were thrilled so many people came together to share what they created and that they donated their work to be bid on.  The organizers were also elated that there was a good turnout to support the event – many people saw some value in attending one, two or all three events that day.  The family of the alumni that passed away that the fundraiser was held for experienced an entirely different emotional value from the event.  They witnessed the generosity and love of others coming together to celebrate their loved one’s life.  The value of that one painting in their eyes could not be measured in monetary or emotional terms.  Lastly, that one painting was converted into money that was part of the total sum donated to cancer research and the doctor’s, scientists and researchers saw its value in terms of being able to benefit future cancer patients.  Depending on who you are that one painting stirred certain emotions and you defined its value in your own unique way. 

 What makes a good father? 6/18/22 While Father’s Day isn’t seemingly as popular as Mother’s Day (less is spent on Father’s Day versus Mother’s Day and less social events occur) it’s important to understand the important role you play in your children’s lives.  Some random thoughts regarding traits I believe good fathers should possess. He is involved in the lives of his children (from birth and beyond) and cherishes quality time with them. Openly communicates, regularly, on a range of topics. Is dependable (you can count on him) and he is approachable. Has a good sense of humor (knows when to look on the lighter side of life). Does more ‘show’ versus ‘tell” including unconditional love. Offers timely advice (even when it is unsolicited) emphasizing the importance of honesty and integrity. Wears many hats including but not limited to protector, teacher, mentor and listener. Is concerned about imparting values, such as right versus wrong and fair play. Demonstrates his caring, respect and love toward their mother. Finally, he shows he is human, and that he is not perfect or always right but he means well and apologizes when he makes mistakes.  Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers out there! 

 Silly things 6/11/22 – I was recalling some things I did when I was younger that were fun, adventuresome or perhaps a little silly.  In no particular order, when I was very young, I took a paintbrush my mom was using (she went inside for a moment) and I pinstriped several cars down the block.   Made fireworks from caps that were strong enough to blow the bark off trees.  On family road trips sat in the way back of the station wagon using a metal signal mirror to direct the sun toward the driver’s eyes behind us.  Launched cardboard planes with lit fireworks on them from the roof of the house to watch them explode mid-air.  Jumped off the roof of the house for a cool Polaroid picture thinking the snow would cushion my fall (miscalculated this one).  Waited in my sister’s bathroom with a gorilla mask on to scare her when she came home late one night after seeing “The American Werewolf in London.”  Put an exploding cigarette load in one of my dad’s cigarettes while he was driving us on vacation (mom intervened before he got to the loaded one).  Wore a motorcycle helmet with the top down in my Mustang convertible and along with loud ‘glass-packs’ made people think twice about a drag race.  Used a number 14-brass washer with a piece of tape on it to use as a dime (from Abby Hoffman’s “Steal This Book” – it was NOT my idea).  This is when you could still make a phone call from a pay phone for 10 cents.  Participated in a bread-throwing contest in the cafe at UIC (and won $5).  Borrowed café trays at UIC to sled down a hill on campus.  While playing Spiderman, at home, I attempted to climb a wall and broke through the window.  Wired a voice activated cassette recorder to the house phone without anyone knowing (at least until the phone company called).  Made ramps for my sons to jump over in the street with their bikes and at one point (when they were pretty far apart) I laid down on the ground in between as motivation. Sometimes in the summer, when out cruising with friends we would bring water squirt guns and surreptitiously hit people in cars next to us that had their windows down. Took my dad’s postal uniform, hat, canvas bag etc. and visited my girlfriend’s house and a few friends’ homes as the mail carrier (my long hair was up under the hat and I had mirror sunglasses on so no one recognized me).  Lastly, I dressed like the invisible man (my head was completely wrapped in gauze and I had sunglasses on) and was on the way to my girlfriend’s house to pick her up for a date. I stopped at a store and could not figure out why the security guard was following me around.  There are a few more examples but I am listing the ones I believe the statute of limitations have expired on. PS - found a few pictures that support the stories. 

 39 years 6/4/22 – My father passed away 39 years ago this past week of cancer at the age of 52.  It brought back many memories - finding out about his diagnosis, treatments, him passing away, the wake, the funeral and burial.  It also brought back good memories including, family road trips, camping, shooting at cans at my grandparents resort in Arkansas, him supporting me at a variety of Boy Scout events and playing poker with him, to name a few.  I visited his grave this week and it was a reality check that there is no guarantee of a long, healthy life.  I also reflected on who I am today based his influence and how I have taken the “best of” what he had to offer and make every effort to take what I learned from him and apply it toward my relationships with my own children.  If you are lucky enough to have one or both of your parents alive, cherish them, love them and spend time with them.  If your parents are gone, I hope you carry positive reminders and good memories of them with you forever. 

 Now back to our regularly scheduled program 5/28/22 – Many of you will recall years ago when our favorite show was interrupted because of a big news story.  We viewed it as a huge inconvenience – how dare they make us miss part of our show!  There is some parallel to our current lives.  We have busy, important lives and every once in a while something interrupts them.  Some examples, a huge accident on the highway, a friend or relative dies, we personally encounter a health issue or something occurs in the news that horrifies us. Sometimes we view these events as a minor blip and we quickly get back to what we were doing. Sometimes when these intrusions occur, we take action or make changes (ex., a friend of mine finally found the strength to quit smoking after suffering his first heart attack).  There are other times when we should take notice because what happened is not normal, and is cause for concern even if it did not affect our loved ones or us directly.  I don’t have answers and I am not making a political statement.  I am merely pointing out that as time goes by, we typically have short memories and in addition, the more something occurs, the more we absorb it as normal or business as usual.  There are some things, like senseless acts of violence, that should make us pause, reevaluate our circumstances and we should ask ourselves, “How can I get back to my life knowing this happened?”  Unlike an accident on the highway, we need to do more than just slow down, stare and then resume our speed as quickly as possible and forget about it. 

A cook who doesn’t really cook 5/21/22 – Lately I feel more and more like a short order cook because of the variety of things that I need to follow up on, keep an eye on and ultimately deliver.  I have some things just warming on the back burner (long-term projects and goals).  I have some tasks on the front burners - I have to stir them constantly, and keep a very close eye on them so they do not burn because they are almost done.   Lastly, I have orders (tasks and deliverables) somewhere in between the back burners and the front burners that only warrant an occasion glance.  I cannot neglect them or forget about them but they are not coming due as soon as those things on the front burners but they need to be cooked before those things being warmed on the back burners.  Overall, the restaurant I work in has a steady flow of customers since both my work grill and my personal grill always have a variety of things cooking on them.  It should be noted that I have learned to outsource some of the orders and in some cases; I simply have to say ‘no’, I do not serve that here.  With this type of experience and focus, who knows someday I may actually learn how to cook.

 Gifts of Imperfection 5/14/22- I recently finished Brene’ Brown’s book, “Gifts of Imperfection, Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and embrace who you are.”  The main takeaways for me - I do not have to live up to anyone’s standards or expectations except my own and I need to learn to accept my imperfections.  I have focused on these concepts the last few years by simply being who I am.  I recall years ago being focused on who I thought I was supposed to be - it was difficult and at times, exhausting.  Today, I know who I am and I am comfortable with myself.  Some ‘gifts of imperfection’ examples, it is OK to NOT be perfect, it is OK to NOT worry about what other people think and it is OK to NOT compare yourself to anyone.  Accept who you are, make friends with yourself and then focus on being the best version of you possible regardless of any perceived imperfections.
 

Happy Mother’s Day to my mom 5/7/22

I am not sure where to start with thanking you for all that you have done,
I’ll start by saying, I’m happy to be your son.

You were there when I was little and couldn’t do much,
Always there in the clutch.

You were involved in Cub Scouts, PTA and other activities in school,
As a mom you were cool.

You and dad were always there for us,
Even when I made a fuss.

You taught us clearly what was right from wrong,
And made us strong.

You were able to always do a lot with not much money,
And wiped my nose when it was runny.

You disciplined us when occasionally we were bad,
Hard to believe I was such a lad.

You had us do chores to earn an allowance that was far from a living wage,
But fair based on our age.

I inherited at least one thing from you, it’s my sense of humor,
It’s more than a rumor.

Lastly, you have been a mother that has always been caring, loving and warm,
Able to shelter us from any storm.

Happy Mother’s Day!
WAKE UP calls 4/30/22 – We all receive the occasional (and annoying) Robo call or POTENTIAL SPAM call.  These are a nuisance and we can simply ignore them.  Sometimes though we receive WAKE UP calls although they aren’t labelled as clearly.  A wake up call usually signals a change in your life is required (optional but highly recommended) and typically is connected to a significant emotional event (ex., marriage, becoming a parent, divorce, health issue, job loss, financial crisis, death, retirement or trauma of some type).  When you receive a WAKE UP call, do you silence the ringer and ignore them?  If a voicemail is left, are you a little curious and listen to it?  On the other hand, do you answer the call, say hello and acknowledge it?  Wake up calls happen for a reason and it’s probably a good idea NOT to attempt to block the caller.  Instead, pick up, pay attention to the message, take the appropriate action and make it a learning experience (it’s for your own good).