Ted Schneider on "Improv Leadership" on WRLR 98.3 LP FM

 What was I thinking? 3/16/24
10 random things I did when I was younger that I would probably think twice about doing today:
·  In grammar school created homemade fireworks and tested them under a metal coffee can in the basement (when my mom heard the explosion and came downstairs it was hard to hide all the smoke).

·  Put a few Cheetos in my nose at a party in college and one went up a little too far.

·   In grammar school looked at the sun on a bright sunny day with binoculars.

·   At National (grocery store), took the fire extinguisher in the break room and let it go (I thought it was empty – it was empty by the time I ran through the back of the grocery store out to the dock).

·   Was learning to ride a bike and was coasting down the hill by my house and walking it back up. On one downhill trip knocked down two ladies leaving Zenith (I hadn’t mastered the coaster brake just quite yet). They were fine by the way – no serious injuries (early game of chicken – they should have moved, I was only a minor).

·   Put an exploding cigarette load in one of my father’s cigarettes and put it in the pack before we set off for a family vacation in the car. Fortunately we told my mom before he got to that cigarette as we were driving.

·    Blew a police whistle in the car one time when my mom was driving (don’t recall exactly why) but needless to say it startled her as she was driving (and she wasn’t a happy camper).

·   On one of our vacation trips, I sat in the way back of the station wagon and used my Boy Scout signal mirror to shine sunlight in the eyes of the drivers behind us (a few seemed upset when they passed us and yelled at my father).

·   During the Watergate hearings I was inspired to use a voice activated cassette recorder to surreptitiously record the families phone conversations. All was going well until I changed the tape one day and touched one of the wires – now anytime anyone called the house they got a busy signal. My aunt called the phone company and they came to the house to investigate and found out we had more phones than we were paying for – oops.

·   Climbed up on the freezers at National and put a cigarette in the kid’s mouth (cardboard display where a boy was holding a pizza – I thought it needed a 3D effect). I automatically got blamed (and this was before they had cameras – they somehow knew it was me).

Pond to Ocean 3/9/24 - Pond – we all start off in a small, quiet and isolated body of water (in the safety of our family)….. 

River – rains eventually flood the pond, it overflows into a river where it begins as a lazy river and transitions to white rapids (momentum of life picks up)…..

Lake – at some point the river dumps into a lake and you start to grow, discover who you are and just as you start to get comfortable in your surroundings….

Ocean – the lake transfers to a large, salty body of water which starts to create rust and you realize you are now really just a small fish. At times you get caught in the undertow and other times you get thrown around until eventually the ocean consumes you with its vast expanse and life is over.

What does this all mean? We are all caught in a slippery cycle of life that we are unable to stop or even slow down. But if you learn to tread water effectively, learn to swim, learn that when waves knock you down you have to hold your breath until you are able to pop back up to the surface and if you learn to use the salty ocean water to float when you start to get tired and old, all of these things together will enable you to keep your head above water for as long as possible. 

Little voices 3/2/24 – In the past I have talked about that little voice in your head that tries to get your attention, warns you about suspicious or harmful things and overall is a positive guiding voice to listen to. Recently I have read there is another voice in your head that is actually lying to you – it is making things up (usually when your imagination runs wild). Now I am confused – how do you know which voice is which? Perhaps the harmful one sounds like Boris Badenov from Bullwinkle and the good voice sounds like Glinda from the Wizard of Oz. Maybe the one lying to you is vague and offers few details where the one helping you is full of details. Unfortunately, it is only audio so there is no body language that will give it away. I guess the best way to distinguish between the two is to ask can this be true. If it does not pass a basic truth test, it is probably something your brain made up and I have three little words for my brain, “shame on you” for misleading me. If I do not resolve this quandary soon, I may pull the plug to the audio thought section of my brain – sacrificing the good in order to rid myself of the bad (some collateral damage). On second thought, eliminating two voices in my head will make it a little less crowded and should reduce the noise and chatter! 

Cookies & Cache 2/24/24 – When you clear cookies and cache on your computer or phone it frees up space, clears out old data and helps the device run optimally. What if we could clear cookies and cache on ourselves to make us run more efficiently? As we age we accumulate a significant amount of unwanted info that simply clutters our minds so this might be a useful exercise. Come to think of it what if we could reboot ourselves if we got sluggish or started to act funky? Of course I am thinking of a soft reboot (a hard reboot would probably require a defibrillator to bring us back). While we are discussing computer things that should be applied to humans, Control/Alt/Delete brings up the Task Manager which might be useful to check all our systems that are running (ex., if a critical process is missing, like the nervous system is offline or a particular organ doesn’t show it’s running, like your liver or pancreas, it would be helpful to know). Lastly, we should apply Control/Alt/Delete to humans. It would stand for CONTROL what you can and let go of everything else/ALTER your perspective and attitude toward life to bring about positive changes/DELETE things from your life that do not provide value or do not bring you happiness. 

 In Time 2/17/24 – In the movie ‘In Time’ you stop aging at 25 but are genetically engineered to live one more year unless you can buy more time (the rich can basically become immortal). Time becomes the currency and you can see how much time you have left on your forearm – displayed in years-weeks-days-hours-seconds. What if you could clearly see how much time you had left to live – would you be less prone to waste time? It is the ultimate timer - you could watch your life literally tick away and when it reaches zero you die. In real life you never know when your “time is up” but if you could know, would you live your life differently? I think it might make people a little anxious and nervous knowing exactly how much time they had left but on the other side I think individuals might use time more wisely. But wait a minute - we all know we are going to die so why would we treat life any differently? Why would we act like we have an infinite amount of time? And even though you cannot buy time (like a prepaid phone plan), you can engage in a lifestyle that promotes longevity (eat right, exercise, sleep, don’t smoke and don’t drink to access etc.). Lastly the idea that time is currency actually rings true in the real world. Money is a limitless resource but time is limited and cannot be replenished which makes it precious. Conclusion - you know your life is finite – choose to use all your minutes wisely – time is a resource you don’t want to squander. 

Observing humans on planes 2/10/24 -  Last week I flew to Florida to spend a mini vacation with my girlfriend - my top 10 observations:
·         There was a family that didn’t speak English and the lady next to me was speaking VERY LOUDLY in English to try and help them.

·         They announced two times that smoking was not allowed and that tampering with the lavatory smoke detector was a Federal offense (but the fine was only $2000 so if you really can’t kick the habit it’s probably worth it). By the way, the reason they are called lavatories is because restrooms wouldn’t be accurate (you can’t nap in there) and they can’t be called bathrooms because you can’t take a bath in there and if you called it a powder room (especially on flights to certain cities like Miami) it would probably encourage cocaine use.

·         On the way to Tampa they announced at the gate that there was an unusually high number of requests for wheel chair assistance so please be patient. I wasn’t surprised – there were more really old people than in a typical nursing home on the flight.

·         One guy was arguing with the gate attendant that he didn’t want to check his bag (he was in Group 9 of 9 – you are lucky there is seat and a seat belt left by then). He clearly didn’t read the restrictions with the cheapest purchase – no carry-ons allowed only a personal item (laptop, small backpack, purse). Perhaps competency tests should be administered when tickets are purchased?

·         Cell phones continue to be human pacifiers – I am old school, I read a book on the way there and a different book on the way back and did some journaling (pen and paper).

·         The row in front of me on the way back was the extra leg room row where the door is (and sometimes blows off). The guy near the window was asked for his ticket – surprise, he was in the wrong seat. Did he think the $91.00 upgrade seat he could sneak into unnoticed?

·         The lady in front of (same lots of leg room row) just had to put her chair back and take even more space by annexing part of my space. No big deal, I simply imagined I was in a Turkish solitary confinement prison cell (made me appreciate my freedom when I got released).

·         When I got to the Tampa airport I couldn’t figure how to get outside to get picked up  – it was like being in a foreign country and when I asked an airport worker for directions it was indeed like a foreign country because English was clearly not his first language. But by use of sign language, gestures and some head nods and pointing I found my way out.

·         A parade of people had to back track off the plane with their carry-on cargo because there was no room in the overhead compartments. At one point a young lady said to this rather large man, “You can keep hitting me with your bag but it’s not going to help you get by, pick it up over your head and walk it down the aisle.” The man struggled with his bag – lessons learned, either work out with some heavier weights OR pack lighter.

·         Lastly, when we landed at O’Hare the pilot came on three times that there was a group of people traveling to a connecting flight and since we were delayed getting to Chicago it would be tight and could everyone wait until they got off. Well surprise the people in front got off but then everyone jumped up like prairie dogs and the aisle closed like the Red Sea after Moses and his people made it through – needless to say the folks in the back probably didn’t make the connecting flight.

Overall, I had a good time because I simply enjoy observing these creatures called human beings when they are at the airport or on a plane – always more entertaining than any in-flight movie! 

Human eyes 2/3/24 – Eyes perceive things upside down (and the brain flips it so you see things right side up). In life, sometimes we don’t believe what our eyes have witnessed but the brain eventually sorts it out for us. We all have a blind spot (where the optic nerve crosses the retina) and as a metaphor, we are sometimes unaware of things in life and it is referred to as a “blind spot.” Eyes can detect 10 million different colors, but socially some only see a few colors while others are color blind.  Iris scans are more secure than a fingerprint (256 unique characteristics versus 40 for a fingerprint) all this in something that is only 4 to 5 mm in length. We blink between 20,000 and 30,000 times every day (wonder how you might get dry eyes on occasion?). Eyes remain the same size throughout our lives, although there are times people remark, “Did you see how big their eyes got.” Our eyes (if they were a camera) would have about 576 MP (the iPhone 15 Pro Max main camera only has 48 MP). When you look at someone’s  eyes you can see their level of confidence, assertiveness and even the level of honesty. Eyes reveal emotions, such as joy, fear and anger along with their mood. Some people smile more with their eyes than with their lips and teeth. Making eye contact with someone can make us feel good and feel connected. Some people are far sighted and some are near sighted (some people can look ahead and are visionaries while others cannot see beyond what is right in front of them). Eyes are similar to windows in a house – not only can you look out but others can look in since as Shakespeare once said, “the eyes are the windows to your soul.” Your eyes are also windows to your heart (in part because the blood vessels at the back of the eye are closely related to heart health). Lastly, I find it fascinating that something that only weighs .25 ounces and has a height, width and depth of slightly less than an inch, can be so complex, reveal so much and do so much. In the end, I understand where the term, “the ayes have it” came from – they really do have it and have it all! 

Royal typewriter 1/27/24 -  Made from 1939 to 1959 and officially called the “Royal Quiet Deluxe Magic Margin” manual typewriter. I wrote my high school papers, college papers and my first cover letters and resumes with it. I have some fond memories like, the time it took to play with the ink ribbon, attempting to hit the keys evenly to ensure no difference in the intensity of the color of any particular letter and making mistakes. When you made a mistake and had to use the correction tape it looked unprofessional, which resulted in usually starting over (you prayed you made mistakes early on the page versus at the end of a page). Seeing this typewriter was like entering a time travel portal since I vividly recall sitting at the dining room table and pounding away for hours on it. In addition, even though I took a typing summer class in high school, I still to this day only use two fingers. If I think of the millions of emails, letters, thoughts of the week, and misc. things I have typed over the years I am surprised my pointer fingers have not fallen off or required surgery. The advantages of the typewriter, no electricity needed, you never ran out of memory or disk space, no passwords to unlock it, it never went into sleep mode even though you might have fallen asleep on it, no Internet required, you could not be hacked, and no one would dream of stealing it because if someone broke into your house (and even though it was in a carrying case) it weighed a ton. Funny how things have changed. 

New Year’s resolutions – 1/20/24

1.       Ween myself off Google Maps when going to places I should be familiar with (like taking the garbage out, walking to the bathroom and getting the mail).

2.       Get more sleep each night (close both eyes versus only one eye is probably a good place to start).

3.       Resist the urge to crack jokes constantly at work (perhaps limit myself to one joke or wise crack per hour).

4.       Weigh myself only once a day (and not immediately after each time I use the bathroom).

5.       Use the biotin and collagen infused shampoo every other day (think Rapunzel – I simply do not want anyone climbing into my bedroom using my hair).

6.       Start putting my ‘best of’ thoughts of the week together to write a book (get several people, to remain nameless, off my back).

7.       Do more under-thinking versus over-thinking (kind of like a pizza - a little under baked versus over baked, crispy and burnt).

8.       Every now and then slightly lower my expectations into the normal zone versus always in the unrealistic zone (stop constantly redlining).

9.       Stop fretting about ‘range anxiety’ since I do not own an electric car but sometimes worry about my iPhone battery percentage.

10.   Use less hair spray and hair gel since I think this may somehow be contributing to global warming.