Ted Schneider on "Improv Leadership" on WRLR 98.3 LP FM

Why I love spring & summer 5/6/23 - I have to start putting on sunscreen to avoid skin cancer (sometimes I mix in glitter – kind of like sprinkles on vanilla ice cream), I get extra steps in by cutting grass (I don’t know why I fertilize it – just encourages it to grow more), summer blend gasoline starts to be sold (because it has a lower RVP to prevent excessive evaporation – sure it does, all I know is it’s more expensive), I get to watch Mother Nature conduct her orchestra by synchronizing the trees, plants, flowers and grass all coming back to life (a remarkable show), my electric bill goes way up and my gas bill goes way down (these two utilities have an inverse relationship by taking turns gouging you), house windows are open letting fresh air in along with the increased noise of airplanes (the side street I live on is a direct path to O’Hare), I get the old bathing suit out (thank goodness my Speedo never goes out of style), birds are up early singing loudly and incessantly to ensure you don’t oversleep (I think I’d rather hear a rooster since he usually only cock-a-doodle-doos once and he is done for the day – clearly roosters are in a better worker’s union), road construction ramps up (making working from home even sweeter) and lastly I start wearing shorts to show off my white legs (which have been known to blind, bewilder and disorient people).

 Crossed my path 4/29/23 

You crossed my path in life for a reason,
No matter the season.

You might have only muttered ‘hi’,
Or perhaps a ‘sigh’

We might have gone out on a first date,
And stayed out late

We could have been good friends at a job I had,
The work wasn’t so bad.

Perhaps you stopped by to share a story or some laughter that made me smile.
Together we walked a mile.

You might have just run into me on the street or at a store,
Maybe I held the door.

You could have driven quickly by me in your car,
Either near or far.

You might have been a fellow student with me in school,
We swam in the pool.

Regardless of how or why our life’s journeys crossed,
I’ve never been lost.

There are thousands of possibilities how you crossed my path,
Simply do the math.

Hmmmm….4/22/23 - People talk about 'red flags' when dating but I reference the song by C+C Music Factory, "Things that make you go Hmmmm……” Here are just a few things over the last few years that have 'made me go hmmm' regarding women I have talked to, met and/or dated. Having to get on a bathroom scale (every day or time I stopped by) to ensure I wasn't losing weight, wanting to see my iWatch to make sure I wasn't getting more steps than she thought I should be getting, telling me how to do my hair and once did it like she thought it should be done and she wasn’t a hairdresser (note: I have been cutting my hair for over 40 years and think I have it mastered), instructing me not to talk about my radio show, improv or my website in front of her family or friends, telling me before her family get together that it’s OK if I just sit and listen and don’t talk too much, that she was married three times and had five children among those three husbands (and less than a year after we broke up she called to tell me she was getting married for the 4th time), she had two different dating profiles (different pictures, different ages and different home towns), finding out on the second date she had been married twice and then on the third date that she had been married three times but she was 21 and it only lasted a year so it didn't count (there wasn't a 4th date), she got her 12th tattoo in less than 1.5 years, she celebrated her 62nd birthday (while we were dating) by drinking until she vomited, her co-worker would send suggestive texts and kissy emojis but it was nothing to be concerned with, she had clearly air brushed her profile picture (she came up to me and introduced herself and I had a bewildered look on my face), she had 5 dogs, cursed like a truck driver and was trying to wean herself off of weed and lastly, she foresaw future events - usually tragedies occurring to those she knew. You might call them red flags, I simply thought, "hmmmm." 

 Concrete 4/15/23 – While watching some men pour a new sidewalk, it made me think of some of the similarities between concrete and life. Concrete is poured into forms to shape the desired outcome. Our lives are shaped by a variety of ingredients getting mixed and poured into our individual shells which shape us. Concrete is smoothed over to look nice on the surface but there is more going on beneath the surface (curing, drying etc.). In life we present a certain version of ourselves on the surface but there is much more going on beneath the surface. As concrete dries and eventually sets, it becomes solid and immovable. As we get older we become immovable and set in our ways. Over time concrete wears down, cracks can appear and sometimes small pieces crumble. As we age, the solid, once sturdy body slowly breaks down, our skin wrinkles and at least on the outside, we are not the same looking as when we were first poured into our mold. On the contrary, concrete is made to stay in one place but humans shouldn’t stay in one place in order to grow and flourish and concrete sidewalks are made to be walked on – we were not meant to be walked on (but sometimes people walk all over us - if we let them). Lastly, with concrete you only have so much time to get it right before it sets. In life you have a lifetime to improve, work on yourself and strive to be a better person. 

Life got real 4/8/23 – There are times when life suddenly gets real, more real than the reality we have known to that point. Here are just a few moments, for me, when life became real; the birth of all three of my children, driving home as fast as I could from work just in time to see my father covered by a sheet being loaded into an ambulance, hearing that my best friend had been murdered, sitting in the back seat of a police car in handcuffs, signing all the paperwork to buy my first home, making an audience laugh while on stage at 1616 N. Wells (The Second City), hearing the words, “I want a divorce” after 30 years of marriage, falling because I couldn’t feel my right leg (and an MRI later revealing a herniated disc), being told I got the job (first job out of college), first time a woman gave me a key to her home and invited me to live with her (post-divorce), reading a eulogy at my sister’s memorial, finding out my cousin committed suicide, first time someone was moved by something I wrote, getting the call back informing me I landed a part in a play in college, receiving literature about signing up for Medicare and being witness to the slow decline of a parent. There are times when life gets real, we see things much differently, we appreciate what we do have and we realize our lives will be changed forever. 

Immunity 4/1/23 - The last few years there has been a heightened focus on immunity, natural versus via vaccination against Covid, flu, shingles etc.  Vaccinations are designed to protect you from physical ailments but how do we protect ourselves from sometimes equally painful, emotional issues?  There is no shot that can keep you from being hurt in a relationship, getting angry at someone, breaking down at a wake of a loved one or feeling guilty. Is there a natural immunity you can build up to never feel shame or embarrassment? If we attempt to deaden or desensitize ourselves from painful emotions, we can also inadvertently numb ourselves from experiencing positive emotions. So why risk cutting off joy, happiness and love because occasionally we experience some painful emotions? Highs and lows are a part of life’s learning process and experience, so enjoy the ride realizing that there will be some bumps and rough patches in the road but hopefully more miles of smooth stretches. 

I don’t understand why 3/25/23 -

- Some people don’t use turn signals (perhaps they don’t know where they are going OR they all have self-driving cars with minds of their own)

- Certain countries just don’t want to play nice with other countries

- The human body is susceptible to so much disease

- Some days never end but the years go by quickly

- Some are to the left, some are to the right and only a few can find the middle

- Some people are introverts, some are extroverts and some are ambiverts (which sounds like you can’t make up your mind)

- If all humans are artists how only a small portion get recognized for their talents

- CEOs are paid so much more than the people actually doing the work

- Illinois highly taxes everything but we still can’t adequately fund the state

- We don’t fly off the earth as it spins around the sun

- Some people never seem to get sick while others can be taken down by a peanut

- Brains come standard as part of the manufacturer’s original equipment package but some prefer to use it as an optional accessory

Jingles to live by 3/18/23 - We are bombarded by advertising and it’s funny how some jingles are stuck in our brains forever. It’s also interesting how some are actually good words to live by.  There are hundreds of examples, but a few of my favorites, McDonalds, “You deserve a break today” (be kind to yourself as you are with others), Huggies, “I’m a big kid now” (you need to consistently put on your pants and face life head on), Toys ‘R’ Us, “I don’t want to grow up” (why do we have to grow up – I sure haven’t yet and don’t plan on it anytime soon), Folger’s, “The best part of waking up” (the best part of life is waking up another day – allowing for another day of endless possibilities), Coca-Cola, “I’d like to teach the world to sing” (wouldn’t it be incredible if the world was a little more in harmony – start with your part of it), US Army, “Be all that you can be” (live life to its fullest and to your fullest capabilities), Almond Joy, “Sometimes you feel like a nut” (it’s OK to be a little silly (or a lot silly is my motto) sometimes), Band-Aid, “I am stuck on Band-Aid because Band-Aid’s stuck on me” (we stick with people and things in our life that support us, get us and that stick with us), Wendy’s, “Where’s the beef?” (we need to question the substance of ideas, events or products) & Weebles, “Weebles wobbie but they don’t fall down” (there are times I may stumble but I am never down, just briefly shaken and I quickly recover).